New week, new kits, new players. What could possibly go wrong?
After the panicked emotions regarding shin-pads the previous week, it was refreshing to see The Onetouchables parading around in their new shirts prior to kick-off, seemingly without a care in the world. However, this new found confidence proved to be nothing more than a facade, as The Onetouchables crashed to defeat in their first competitive fixture.
Adam Williams was the name on everyone's lips- unfortunately it was for all the wrong reasons. The first five minutes saw Williams making an early bid for the blooper reel on the inevitable Onetouchables Christmas DVD cash-in, with a comedy of errors that certainly had the fans laughing. However, under-pressure boss Luke Sutton did not seem to share this amusement, wearing a face like thunder (for a more detailed explanation of what was going through Sutton's mind at the time, please read the previous entry for the full blogging experience). Williams was rumoured to be hiding away in an undisclosed North-West location tonight, in an effort to avoid the baying press.
Luckily A. Williams was not the only new signing (for legal reasons we must point out here that Williams did in fact net a trademark strike), as Mike Hancock put in an energetic shift up front, and The Return of the Mig became literal as the Wodson fanatic made his Onetouchables debut.
The first half can only be described in one word- catastrophic. The Orange Team appeared to be a far better organised outfit than the opponents of the previous week, and were linking well up front. With A. Williams' touch yet to be unpacked from his post-Spain suitcase, the defence of Cass and Warnett were under constant scrutiny. Hancock was trying his best to link up with Williams, but unfortunately the Orange Team were breaking well, and soon found themselves in the lead. The Onetouchables were failing to recapture the magic of their friendly the previous week, and soon found themselves two down. A rout was starting to look on the cards, and Sutton changed things up, bringing the Mig on to shore up a midfield that could best be described as 'absent', and Conquest to freshen up the strike force.
A. Williams proved that if you hammer enough shots at goal, you will eventually be rewarded, the assist from his brother validating the manager's substitutions. A good goal, and the Onetouchables were suddenly back in the game. Half-time came along, and the Onetouchables were 2-1 down.
The introduction of Purdy at the start of the second half caused excitement from the sidelines- the opposition fans couldn't believe their luck. However, some good passing football after the break was starting to unsettle the Orange Team's defence. No passing was necessary for the equaliser however, with Warnett smashing in easily the goal of the season so far, sparking elation from Sutton and the rest of the bench. And it could have been even sweeter a few minutes later, with some great link-up play between Warnett and A. Williams sending Purdy in on goal- unfortunately it was not to be, as the shot was scuffed harmlessly wide. Purdy atoned for his error with probably the best piece of skill in the game- a wonderful dummy from a Warnett corner which ensured that the ball went out of play, and gave the Onetouchables defence ample time to reorganise.
Conquest and Hancock were both given chances to impress in the second half, but unfortunately the Orange Team were starting to get back into the game, and went 3-2 up with a well-worked goal. It was harsh on goalkeeper Kieran Cairns, who had been making top saves for fun for the whole match, and was widely considered to be man of the match afterwards. Joe Cass had showed a suspiciously injured leg to the rest of the team prior to kick-off as he attempts to play as much football as he possibly can in one day, and you wonder whether this was partly responsible for some of the slack marking which led to the goals. Conquest meanwhile struggled to get into the game- his unfocused eyes screamed 'job interview', as his mind was clearly elsewhere.
Williams was desperately trying to recover from his poor first half, but unfortunately things went from bad to worse with a huge miss to level the match late on. As we commented earlier, Williams is allegedly in the North with his girlfriend- though it is unclear whether they are actually still together. That will depend on whether she has yet received the footage of him smashing the easiest chance of the match into the goalkeeper's face. Hancock also had a good chance to level the game, but it just wasn't happening for the Onetouchables, and in fact it took some world-class stops from Cairns to stop the Orange Team grabbing a couple more late goals. The full-time whistle went, leaving the side demoralised as they trudged to the pub to watch an even worse spectacle- Spurs sealing qualification to the Champions League. Josh Goodey was again on hand to provide post-match analysis- but his reaction to the defeat with the word '...seriously?' will send a real shiver down The Onetouchables' collective spine.
That Adam Williams debut in quotes:-
'Hopefully a one-off.'- loyal manager Luke Sutton.
'Hilarious...hilariously bad.'- Ross Conquest
'Huh?'- Joe Cass
'No...he's not actually my brother.' Michael Williams
'Without doubt single-handedly cost us the match.'- a blunt Kieran Cairns
'Dece, really dece.'- Adam Williams
'His legs were literally wide open.' Orange Team member
'Anyone for clay shooting?'- Mike Hancock
The Onetouchables 2-3 Orange Team
A. Williams (assist M. Williams)
Warnett
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