Hello Gentleman, (just getting my yearly post in). I was bored for a few hours so after a good performance last Wednesday I’ve gone to the liberty of patenting some signature moves:
The Walnut Whirl: Do a nonsensical 360 spin when under pressure from the defence. Keep spinning until you score or throw up from motion sickness.
- Made famous by George Warnett
The “Get on the end of that”: When under no pressure you play an ambitious ball from one end of the pitch to the other, but instead of finding a team mate, kick the ball like you’re wearing a shoe made of 50ps resulting in the ball flying of for their goal kick.
- Made famous by Joe Cass
The “Doctor says… it’s Ricketts”: As soon as the whistle blows to start the match, go over on your ankle tearing a ligament here and there (Helps if Sam Compton’s close by).
- Made famous by Luke Sutton
The “Blow your Beans”: Make an inspired run to get behind the defence then when you’re one on one with the keeper try your hardest not to score and instead blow your beans all over the floor.
- Made famous by Ryan O’Connor
The “Phantom Sling”: For the entire duration of the game put one arm on your chest as if you’ve recent broken your arm doing some volunteer work or something… It doesn’t exactly help your balance but the ladies love it.
- Made famous by Charlie Prudy
The “I'm getting too old for this”: After a long and illustrious career of one game hang up your boots and call it a day on all this football business and go away to a nice retirement home in Leicester .
- Made famous by Sam Compton
The “To be or not to be?”: Get into space to shoot and instead of putting it top bin, shuffle around with the ball at your feet until the opportunity to score has gone.
- Made famous by Ross Conquest
The Angry Beaver: If things aren’t looking good during the match shout at every single person until till it does. Utilize the power of thunderous speech and make things go your way.
- Made famous by Kieran Cairns
The “F*ck the rule book”: Continue to shut players down when they’re picking the ball out their net, wonder round aimlessly in their half when they’re trying to take kick off, take a kick-in when it’s a corner, hell pick up the ball and throw it in the goal if you want to, you are above the law.
- Made Famous by Joey Johnson
The “Nah can’t play the next couple weeks; I’m in Spain
- Made famous by Adam and Miggly Williams.
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